Thursday, April 20, 2006

This Series Needs Better Quotes

Good Lord, NHL players are so conscious of "giving them something to post on their dressing room wall" that they tiptoe around questions about the opposition, gracious and respectful. i.e. Player and coach interviews before a playoff series are as boring as church.

This is where boxing beats the pants off of hockey. Soccer in the southern half of Europe as well. Much bravado and controversy before a match there, always. Much more fun.

And since the players won't say it themselves, I'll look into their eyes and tell you what they are thinking:

Craig MacTavish: "How well would Detroit have done in the Northwest Division?! Good question [pause] Hmm, I dunno, how well would Martina Navritalova have done if she'd played against the men at Wimbledon? Not very well I think. I don't think the Wings would be a playoff team."

Raffi Torres: "I'm going to make Legace my personal bitch in Game 1. I'm going high blocker side for the first goal, five-hole for the second goal and a tricky little offspeed nine-hole goal to complete the hat trick in embarrassing fashion."

Chris Pronger: "I'm going to hurt Datsyuk and Lang. Seriously, if I can catch the little chickenshits I'm going to hammer them through the boards. That's all I care about. I want to be sure I get a piece of those little pricks early, because this series won't last long, we can beat that team in 4 or 5 games without trying."

Jason Smith: "The journey to the Stanley Cup is a long one. This series with Detroit should be a good warmup for us. Get us into the zone for the rest of the playoffs."

Georges Laraque: "I'm going to score 20 goals in this series! Oh, and Chelios is ugly, stupid and physically afraid of me."

There ya go. That's much better, isn't it?

Feel free to add more. :-)


Blogger Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

Ales Hemsky - Tell Nick Lidstrom that he's finally going to get his decision made for him - I'm sending him back to Stockholm in a box. Make sure he knows who said that. Tell him to keep his head up. Ass. I hate that guy.

4/21/2006 4:40 am  
Anonymous iwocpo said...

Kirk Maltby-Make sure your whole family is gathered around your Zenith when Sasquatch loses his frigging mind. We're going to make sure Pronger spends more time in the box than he does at the hairdresser.

4/21/2006 5:26 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best Oilers/Wings playoff Blog report that I've seen. Bravo!

Moreau- Laegace better keep his red haired head up because I will be crashing the crease all day. Hopefully he won't be hitting the golf course when I'm through but rather the hospital for a concussion

4/21/2006 10:57 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome post. Awesome.

4/21/2006 3:31 pm  

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