Monday, August 30, 2010

Indefinite Hiatus

Hey everyone,

I'm not sure if you've noticed but it's been a long time since I posted anything of legitimate quality here or in other places in our wonderful little Oilogosphere. Sure there's been a drunk rant or two and I'd be happy to tell you the amusing story behind how Milla and I came to fall so madly in love for 5 minutes and then never talk to each other again (and the restraining order that followed it?) but the truth is this: ever since I accepted a particular amazing-but-life-eating job in May, I have been a lot less engaged in the community you fine folks have created.

Reading my favourite Oiler blogs is still a valuable part of my downtime so I will still appreciate the fine work so many of you create. Thank you for doing what you do, and I wish nothing but the finest of beer and the leggiest of women upon you all. Unless you are a woman, in which case I wish those same things upon you but also a photographer.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sh*t that could go either way

Sometimes when we're drinking and we don't want to get too hammered we play a card game called Asshole. You've got the president and vice-president at the top running things and of course you've got the vice-asshole and the dreaded Asshole having to put up with shit on the bottom. I feel like seeing as I've played it with people in 3 provinces it's a common enough game to expect people my age to know it.

The one difference? Wild cards. Some people just use 2's, some people use 2's and then 3's which are even better than 2's, some people bring jokers into the mix. You add enough wild cards and things can get batshit crazy in an awful hurry, or at least they appear this way through the lens of a drunk 25 year old.

The entire Edmonton roster is a pile of wild cards. Even if you presuppose (yes, a drunk guy just said presuppose) Horcoff-Hemsky-Penner as the top line and fill in from there, just about every player could go a few ways. Horcoff might be hurt or he might have peaked or he may have had one good year offensively but can still handle the toughs. Hemsky could play 2 or 22 or 70 games. Penner could be Mahovlich or he could be fat.

Can anyone confidently say which of Eberle/Omark/Paajarvi will make the team? Which ones will get minutes? Which ones will be turnover machines and which will learn to tread water by season's end? Who the fuck will play defense or stop pucks on this team? It used to be that people would say "if X, Y, and Z, Edmonton will make the playoffs" and then smart people would point out that 50% X 50% X 50% = fuck right off but Edmonton's 2010/2011 roster could lap the algebraical alphabet without offering clarity. God bless Lowetide for trying but to me this year's Oilers are looking a lot like Lady Gaga: an awful lot like a 6 or 7 and all sorts of other crazy shit that, like her, could go either way.